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Momming Today

Momming Today: The Fight Against Mommy Shaming

Becoming a Mom is one of the best things in the world. I have loved every minute of the past 22 months since my daughter was born, but let’s face it, momming today is a tough business. Just when you think you’re doing everything right, someone comes along to tell you otherwise. “Well, I didn’t do it that way…”

Everyone has an opinion, and there will always be someone who disagrees with you, even if you are following all guidelines (both from doctors and common sense). You just can’t win!

Nearly every decision you make for your child can be controversial. It amazes me how people feel like your child-rearing is their business, and that they feel the urge to comment on EVERYTHING.  Here are 5 Mom topics that seem to bring out all the Mommy shamers, no matter which side you’re on. *Please note that none of these are my personal views.  I made certain decisions for raising my daughter, and do not fault others for choosing differently.  These statements are ones that I’ve either personally heard, or seen dominate online comment sections.

Momming Today: The Fight Against Mommy Shaming

SAHM vs. Working Mom

If you’re a SAHM, you’re lazy…but if you are a working mom, you don’t care about being with your baby.

Formula vs. Breastfeeding

Formula feed? How could you give your baby those chemicals??

Breastfeed? Put that thing away, and “Isn’t that baby too big to be nursing? You’re going to scar him for life!”

Disposable vs. Cloth diapers

Disposable diapers? You must not care about the environment, or what comes in contact with your baby’s skin.

Cloth diapers? Eww…how disgusting!

Make your own baby food vs. Store bought

Make your own food for the little ones? Must be nice to have that much time on your hands.

Jar food? Do you even know what’s in that?? Chicken nuggets? Ugh…how could you possibly let your child eat such crap?

*Note- I also said (prior to actually having a child, of course) that I’d never feed her nasty chicken nuggets…but hey, when that’s the ONLY thing your child will eat, then nuggets and mac n cheese all around!

Focus on play vs. Focus on learning

Do you feel it’s more important for your child to be running around and playing, rather than spending a significant amount of time studying their letters, numbers, etc?  They are going to be soooo far behind their peers in school!

Moms who think it’s important to teach these things as early as possible so their child is ahead of the curve? Geez, can’t you just let your kid be a kid?

Momming Today: The Fight Against Mommy Shaming

The point of this is that different things work for different moms. We are all unique, and will have differing views on what is best for us and our child.  NONE of these choices is wrong, so long as your child is loved and cared for!  Don’t let the Mommy Shamers get to you.  Finding our way as a Mom is often a difficult road…why can’t we just love and support each other?  After all, we’re doing the best we can!

When the Baby Blues Don’t Go Away

What are some other topics that seem to stir up controversy?  Have you been shamed over a choice you’ve made for your child?

-6 Comments-

  • 2017-07-28 at 8:40 AM
    Karen Jackson

    There are two different occasions that first come to mind. Once, I let my son taste chocolate for the first time from the tip of my finger to get his reaction. My mom’s best friend went off on me and said how “how g. d. stupid are you”? The tirade went on for a few minutes and that has been almost 38 years ago. Secondly, my own brother and sister-in-law treated my 4 year old son like a child molester and would physically move my niece to the other side of their own bodies to keep him from her. He just wanted to play and she is also of about 5 years older than him. This was done directly in front of me and our families. The term “mortified” doesn’t even near explain how I felt. Did they think that I was raising a monster? These two instances really stand out for me and made me extremely aware of what I say to young mom’s.

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  • 2017-07-29 at 4:51 AM

    I have been on both sides of most of these instances, and I have come to realize that no matter what you do, it is pretty irrelevant to the big picture. My kids have been night and day so far, and my methods reflect that. As long as your children know they are loved, it’s all good. I am happy to say that I have quit judging either way! Shame on my old self. It is so easy to believe you are right.

    On a good note, I do think that this no-mommy-shaming thing is starting to catch on. Yay! The other day at the park, my two year old disappeared all of a sudden, and another mom saw me start to panic. She politely told me that he was climbing into my van. Turns out the head I was watching pop in and out of the jungle gym wasn’t the right kid. Things happen, even when you are right there. It is part of being a mom. Luckily, I live in a tiny town so I was upset over principal more than actually being worried that he would get ran over, etc.

    Most moms are just doing their best to raise their kids to be successful and happy. That is what matters.

  • 2017-07-31 at 2:40 PM
    Tara

    Yes! There are so many ways moms “shame” each other and it’s incredibly sad! Unless asked, people should “mind their own business” when it comes to other people’s choices for their children/family.

  • 2017-08-01 at 6:07 AM

    Great post and so true and sad! I do think a lot of mommy shaming is happening between mothers but I also think a lot of it comes from women who are not mothers yet and have a whole different picture in their head of how it is going to go! There is a lot of pressure on how to raise kids nowadays – food has to be organic and preferably locally bought, your child needs top education but not that much that they do not have freedom to play, there is no more just live and let live. No more space for faults or to just be human. Unfortunately this is part of our reality as mothers in 2017

  • 2017-09-22 at 8:46 AM
    courtney

    great post don’t have children yet but with the nursing vs bottle thing what if the child has a birth injury that prevents them from latching to their mothers breast and sucking or she doesn’t produce enough milk/any at all or the child turns out to be lactose intolerant thus has to be fed with a soy based formula. I myself was a baby who couldn’t breastfeed because the muscles that suck were scared down from the use of forceps during my birth. as for length of time a mother breastfeeds six months is the minimum and World Health Organization and CDC recommend up to two years where possible

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